Today's Lineup

1. Guzman: Nothing like a leadoff hitter with a .320 OBP. I don't care that he is is on pace for 200 hits. The sad part is he is our best option.
2. Dukes: Quality in the two hole with a .646 OPS. I guess if you almost get into a fist fight with Manny Acta, you get a nice spot in the lineup. Are you paying attention Kory Casto? This may explain why Ryan Langerhans manages to get an at bat every game. I bet he is threatening to take Manny's milk money.
3. Milledge: The guy who should be our leadoff hitter proving he can't hit anywhere in the order moves to the three spot.
4. Boone: This is Bret Boone right? And this is 2001? Please tell me Aaron Boone is not our cleanup hitter.
5. Belliard: Remember when we were promised a young team full of power this season? Yes Jim Bowden, we heard about all those BP home runs your new talent hit in spring training. All that power translates into a backup second baseman hitting in the 5 hole.
6. Pena: Moving him up in the order so he can badly miss breaking pitches away earlier in the game and more often. Wily Mo may be the only person in the world who makes me sort of miss Austin Kearns. At least he makes contact. Sure it results in a double play - but sometimes when I am in the stands I like to hear the sound of bat on ball.
7. Lopez: What do I even say here. Here is a guy that stole 50 bases. He is so lazy that a guy with his speed is hitting 7. Notice how he has been better since Belliard came off the DL? Thanks for not trying for those four weeks when you had no competition. I hate you. How the hell did you make an All Star Team. I miss Gary Majewski...can we take him back? I'd rather have his 2 innings pitched this year than watch you for one more inning.
8. Nieves: I have nothing to say. I love Will Nieves. Great backup catcher. I hope Lo Duca and Estrada stay in single A where they can still not throw out a single runner. I just want to take this space to mention that "Hard Wood" Flores is an awesome nickname and I look forward to him being in the lineup again.
9. Bergmann: Bergmann on Man!!! I love you also Jason Bergmann.

Here is why I am so upset. I don't even know how you could make a better lineup for today's game. God this team is awful. That being said, I'm off to watch the game. Enjoy!