A Different View (with only some cursing)

I love you Nats. Seriously I do. I have no money and yet I still have a half season ticket plan, and many days when I don't have tickets, I still go and buy tickets. Why do I do this? I really have no idea why. I have MLB Extra Innings, I can watch any team I want. Here are the reasons why I can't even tolerate the Nats at this point.

1. Dimitri Young: Today you misjudged a fly ball. Ran backwards in foul territory and "slid." You actually fell, and then laughed and smiled to everyone about it. It's really not funny. You are a fat tub of goo and out of shape. It might be funny if this was a Rock N' Jock Softball game circa 1990 or Old Timers Day at Yankee Stadium and you were Cory Lidle. Even Jason Giambi would have caught that ball.
2. Bob Carpenter: For laughing at Dimitri Young's "misplay." Maybe if this team was say close to .500 I wouldn't hate your guts. You seem to have some knowledge of baseball history, but you are awful. The only time I truly enjoy you is when you say "jam job," "jamage," or my favorite, "serious jam job right there."
3. Paul Lo Duca: Get out of the broadcast booth and get healthy. Don't get me wrong. I never want you to play for us again. However, I hope that you can either bat .593 so we can trade you, or that you have an injury in your rehab that also injures your larynx so that you stay the hell out of the broadcast booth.
4. Everybody: For not yet calling Jesus Flores by my super sweet nickname Jesus "Hard Wood" Flores. Seriously, its the best nickname ever.
5. MASN: Specifically for their awful awful commercials. "Now that's a little TOO inside." Shut up. I wish we had somebody provide some interesting factoids instead of talking about how great a person Will Nieves is.