Call Ups

The National have officially compiled their late season 40-man expanded roster, calling up the likes of .125 hitter Roger Bernadina, official "some guy" Kory Casto, and a bunch of no-name relievers. Way to spice things up Jim Bowden. Deep bullpens are a great way to bring people out to the park.

The Nats are currently 52-85. In spite of a six game winning streak, the only thing left to fight for is not finishing with the worst record in baseball. The approach of the Nats front office to the call up should have proceeded somewhere along these lines: "we've fielded a minor league team for most of the season, lets start acting like one... fuck it."

Its borderline inexcusable that the Nats failed to call up a midget, or "little person." I'd trek down to the Navy Yard to see a 5 inch tall strike zone. The Nats could double their on base percentage.

Better yet, the Nats could have called up a dog. If the Air Bud movies have taught me anything (and they have), when given the chance, dogs kick ass at sports. Think of the potential stolen bases. Think of all the center field ground that could be covered.

The Yankee's have an ambidextrous pitcher in their farm system. We need one too. Frankly, I wouldn't even really give a shit if they just forced some callup to pitch with both arms. The gimmick value is just too sweet.

Finally, the Nats should have signed Scarlet Johansson and immediately put her on the major league roster. Team chemistry (and possibly dugout boner levels) would go through the roof! And with concern for the future, what better way to attract free agent talent in the offseason?

There was so much potential to do something sweet with this team for September. I guess we'll just have to live with Kory Casto... Fuck.